6 steps to break out of the “victim” role: where does the first change begin?

Sometimes the same scenario repeats itself in a person’s life: those around them seem to be at fault, problems remain unresolved, and decisions are always dependent on someone or something else. In psychology, this state is conditionally referred to as the “victim position.”

This does not mean blaming someone who has suffered from actual violence or injustice. It refers to a habitual pattern of thinking in which a person feels powerless even in areas they can control and hands over the possibility of changing their life to others.

1. The first step — taking back responsibility

Saying, “Everything is my fault,” is also wrong.

But the thought “I can’t change anything” keeps a person stuck in place as well.

A strong position is different:

“I cannot choose everything that happens, but I can choose how I respond to it.”

• Don’t like your job — you can look for another option.

• Is a relationship hurting you — you can set boundaries.

• Did you make the wrong decision — you can learn from it and change your next step.

Responsibility does not mean blaming yourself. It means recognizing the points in your life where you can still make an impact.

2. You need to stop trying to save everyone

Some people solve the problems of those around them faster than they solve their own.

• Someone asks for money — they give it.

• Someone shifts their responsibility onto them — they take it on.

• Someone constantly complains — they listen for hours.

At first, this looks like kindness. But over time, the person becomes exhausted and starts feeling, “Why does everyone take advantage of me?”

Sometimes the problem lies precisely in the absence of boundaries.

Saying “no” does not make you a bad person.

Constantly taking on someone else’s responsibilities helps neither them nor you.

3. The question “What is this situation giving me?” is difficult but important

Sometimes there is a hidden reason why a person remains in an unpleasant situation for a long time.

For example, the position of “I can’t achieve anything” may allow them to:

— receive attention from others;

— feel constant support;

— avoid making difficult decisions;

— avoid taking responsibility for failure

.

This does not mean it is done deliberately. Often, the person is not even aware of this mechanism themselves.

That is why it is useful to ask yourself one question:

“If I leave this situation, what will I have to give up?”

The answer may sometimes be unexpected.

4. Don’t tie your self-worth to external evaluations

A person with low self-esteem often waits for others’ permission before making a decision.

• “Am I doing the right thing?”

• “Will they be upset with me?”

• “What will people say?”

As a result, their own wishes end up in last place.

Self-confidence does not appear overnight. It is built through small actions:

— keeping the promises you make;

— expressing your opinion openly;

— saying “no” when necessary;

— seeing small goals through to the end.

Every completed task sends one signal to the brain: “I can rely on myself.”

5. Start with a small action, not a major transformation

Sometimes a person waits for the “ideal time” to change their life.

• Monday.

• The new moon.

• The New Year.

• When motivation strikes.

But action often does not come after motivation; motivation comes after action.

That is why the first step can be very small:

• make one phone call today,

• send one application,

• walk for 10 minutes,

• say “no” to one unnecessary obligation.

A small step may seem insignificant. But it moves a person from the state of “I can’t do anything” to the position of “I am taking action.”

6. New habits strengthen your inner foundation

It is difficult to change your thinking through words alone. Your lifestyle must change as well.

Simple habits can be helpful:

— keeping a journal and recording your emotions and decisions;

— remembering three good things each day;

— paying attention to sleep and rest;

— engaging in physical activity;

— setting aside time just for yourself;

— acknowledging even the small things you have accomplished.

The main goal is not to become an “ideal person.” It is to become an active participant in your own life instead of a passive observer.

What does the “adult position” mean?

It does not mean never crying, feeling upset or asking for help.

A person in a mature position also feels pain, gets tired and sometimes needs others.

The difference is that they do not simply wait for someone to come and solve the situation for them.

They:

• choose instead of waiting,

• speak instead of sulking,

• look for solutions instead of looking for someone to blame,

• take action wherever it is possible.

But there is an important boundary

If a person is experiencing actual violence, harassment, coercion or a dangerous relationship, telling them to “simply take responsibility” is wrong.

In such a situation, the main priorities are safety, outside help and, if necessary, contacting a specialist or the relevant services.

The idea of “breaking out of the victim position” is meaningful only in situations where a person has a real choice.

The most important point is simple: you may not be able to change everything that happened in the past, but in many cases, you still have the power to choose who takes the next step.

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