Does discussing your parents affect your destiny?
A person who grows up witnessing their parents' mistakes may face a question: should they be forgiven, or should one live by constantly discussing their actions? Psychological approaches suggest a different perspective on this issue: one does not have to idealize their parents, but accepting them as they are can help in working with one's own inner world.
The essence of this approach is not to justify all of a parent's actions. Rather, it is about being able to see both their positive qualities and their flaws simultaneously.
Why is accepting parents important?
Every person carries memories related to their parents from childhood. These can include both moments of affection and painful memories.
In some cases, even after reaching adulthood, a person may feel strong resentment toward their parents' mistakes.
However, acceptance does not mean:
considering a mistake made to be correct;
continuing a harmful relationship;
abandoning one's own boundaries;
denying the pain of the past.
Acceptance is acknowledging reality as it is and not allowing it to control one's life.
Parents are not perfect human beings either
One of the main ideas in the text is this: judging a person solely by their mistakes does not allow for a full understanding of their personality.
A father or mother may have flaws. At the same time, there may also be the kindness, love, and positive qualities they showed toward their child.
Measuring a person only by their worst mistake is equating their entire life to a single event.
Therefore, when accepting parents, it is important to realize that they are human beings too.
What does the concept of "consent" (rozilik) mean?
The concept of "seeking forgiveness/consent from a father" or "seeking forgiveness/consent from a mother" must also be interpreted correctly.
This does not mean that a child must approve of every action taken by their parents.
If there have been serious mistakes, abuse, or other harmful interactions caused by parents, it is natural for a person to prioritize their own safety and personal boundaries.
At the same time, a person can:
acknowledge what happened in the past;
understand their own emotions;
seek a path to forgiveness if necessary;
but not repeat harmful patterns of behavior.
You do not have to repeat your parents' destiny
Often, a person may repeat the relationship models they saw in childhood once they grow up.
But this does not mean it is an unchangeable destiny.
By understanding their own habits, views, and relationships, and working on them, a person can build a different life.
For this, rather than blaming parents, it is more important to understand which scenarios in your own life to continue and which to stop.
Seeing the good is not denying the flaws
The idea in the text about "the merciful and the devil" can be understood not as a religious judgment, but as a metaphor for the inner struggle of human nature between good and evil.
No human is perfect. They have both good qualities and mistakes.
The same principle can be applied to parents: while seeing their flaws, do not forget their good deeds.
The most important conclusion
Accepting parents does not mean approving of everything they do. Forgiveness also does not mean that a person must abandon their own boundaries.
On the contrary, if a person understands their past and can distinguish between their parents' good and bad sides, it becomes easier to make conscious decisions about which experiences to continue in their own life and which to stop.
Your parents may not have been perfect. But their mistakes are not a mandatory script for your future.
Comments 0
…